Nothing to hit…

(Yet Again)

As I try getting the perfect escape from it while in the skyway
I still waver between loving it and being ashamed of it
But still yet, I walk around hoping to dissolve it someday
The overwhelming sermons that I’ve had to listen to for the purposes of dissolving it, speak volumes but instead I end up having a revisit
A revisit to the same place that created and recreated the insecurities that always had something to outweigh
And for some reason, even as I try making it a closed door, I still end up living there with an excuse of having to understand the why’s maybe so I could make ‘an audit’
See, the insecurities were always there, got intensified then and they still are for they just don’t ‘go away’
So, even as what is seen differs from what is truly is, it’s supposedly the art of being super tight-lipped that I’ve had to exhibit
And it’s quite a task to snuff it out moreso when it has already found a residence in your DNA
So the externals don’t really matter if what’s being housed internally keeps getting a deposit
And when the cliché statement of loving oneself is uttered, it falls on a refractive ear anyway
For how can one love oneself when housing something quite harrowing and toxic? How can one feel secure while in a phase that keeps being revisited without respite?
And if and when all that get answers on landing, then dissolving can’t be as hard but if that doesn’t happen then it’ll be interesting acquiring a happy-go-lucky attitude meant to spell out an o-k-a-y!
For sometimes it’s much easier getting comfortable falling knowing there’s nothing to hit…